she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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