get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
