I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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