Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
