____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
