I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
