ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
