My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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