i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
