My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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