chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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