being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
