The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
