rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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