Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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