never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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