i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
