Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
