Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Randomize
