I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
