Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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