I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
this will be a night to untag.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
