He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
