in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
