What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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