It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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