11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize