There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
