I'm so fucking centered right now
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Damn victory sex feels great
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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