I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I have fence marks all over my body
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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