As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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