remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
