At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
