Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
