So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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