Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I will be naked everywhere
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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