My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
