I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
