i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
