There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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