Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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