normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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