you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Watching her eat just hurts me
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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