just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
