hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
