I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
