i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
