How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I don't deserve a penis
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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