So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize