Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
