So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
