I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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