He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
