How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
