my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
