I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
