it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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