hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize