last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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