I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize